I started my job last week. My hours are 10pm-7am (WOW). I am not much of a day sleeper, so it has been rough trying to learn how to sleep in the daytime.

My system was all wacked out, I was continually nauseous for days and I'm still trying to find a routine for sleeping that works. I have no trouble staying up for the hours that I work, because I tend to be a night owl anyway. But getting sleep is kickin' my tail and I think I'm getting a little loopy.

My world is all topsy-turvy, but it's great to be working again!

I have missed my Streamer pals! But not working and being broke was weighing heavy on my soul, so I turned inward and hunkered down to avoid a deep depression. If I leave things alone I can go into a deep downward spiral. It gets ugly, so this time I decided to head it off at the pass.

I am one phone call away from having a job. I will be making about $10 an hour less than I was in New York, but at least there will be income. I can work with that!

I have climbed out of the storm cellar, assessed the damages and have once again engaged in the re-building.

In an attempt to commemorate my Birthday and change the appearance of my blog, I was given the "whut fer" by this setup and my feelings were truly hurt. I know there are rules for everything and that different people have different preferences, but I so hate this plain, dull blog. I can't look at it, which is why I haven't been blogging lately. I guess I could tell myself that I should have left well enough alone. But, that wouldn't do any good and I rarely leave well enough alone anyway.

Now, I have an exercise in perseverance, because it will take a lot for me to come to terms with this blank slate. I've tried changing the work palete and everything, it just wants to stay plain. Ugh! So, I must learn to accept the thang as it is. 

It is two days until my 45th birthday and while I feel a bit of a wince, I'm in a fairly good emotional state.

When I turned 25 I thought it was the worst thing ever, because I wasn't anywhere near conquering the world as I thought I would at that age.

Then came 35 and it hurt, too. I had lived threw a lot of ups and downs by then and was wondering why I ever tried in the first place, 'cause life sucked. Pain from long buried and thought to be forgotten hurts had surfaced and I just wanted to go on with my life. Why dredge up the past. After a time, I realized that you must deal with the past to live in the present and to face the future. The ups and downs began to be more painful, harder to deal with and even hard to solve. I was like the ole' man river, tired of living and scared of dying. In spite of it all, I've kept rolling along.

Now, I'm turning 45 and I must admit, I wince a little when I tell myself that that means I'm 5 years from 50. It will be alright!

My life is still nothing like I thought or dreamed it would be. But, the best part is that I'm learning to accept things as they are and to look for where I can find joy in what's there. I still have designs on waiting 'til my change comes, but now I'm learning not to put so much stock in how it will be when things do change.

I've fought and fought for the steering wheel of my life, I've never had the steering wheel and back seat driving has been very fruitful. So, in 2 days I'll be 45 and I'm learning to sit back, observe and enjoy the ride.

Yes, there are choices that I must make and steps that I must take to make my life work. I, at this budding age, simply have to learn what is mine to tinker with and leave the rest alone.

It took a long time for these things to register and they are easier said than done. But, one thing I've learned for sure is practice makes perfect or, at least, you give it all you've got.

I hear people say that all the time. My problem comes when where you're planted is choked full of weeds. It seems that I've spent most of my life getting up from falling down and rebuilding what has crumbled.

I have grown very fatigued at doing what it takes to get by. I'm tired of simply existing, I want to live and flourish. The weeds, I'm sick of them, yet I know they're a part of life.

I have the full understanding that a neglected, overgrown garden has to be weeded and sometimes re-seeded to allow for new growth. And the fact that the garden is still there even if in poor condition is a blessing, too. Because if it has been blown into oblivion, then it's all over.

I think of the Katrina victims, some with there homes covered in layers of mud and buried. They will have to dig that dwelling out of the mud and rebuild to ever call it home again. Some will try, some won't,some can't.

Is there still hope for my pitiful garden? I think so. Am I stuck in a rut of frustration? I think so. Will I leave it this way? I will work at it until I no longer have breath in my body.

I will take a job making less than what I am used to making, but in my free time, I will work on the things that give me flight. All is not lost, even if all is frustrating at the moment. I believe I can fly and one day one of my songs wills be recorded and completed. I will have finished one of my many writing projects and found it a home. And I will literally take flight to destinations where I've gawked at photos, longing to see these places.

Therefore, even though the weeds abound and sometimes I just don't know what to do about that particular sort, I will tackle the culprit and send it to some landfill far away from me.

I can and will no longer allow my lovely plight called life to sit in disarray. This Latebloomer is in a true weed stage. Look out world, I comin' through!